Vulnerability – capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt; exposed.
What’s interesting about becoming vulnerable is that it is often a choice. maybe not completely, but more often than not it is a choice. We choose to be vulnerable because we feel by doing so no harm will be done. We allow ourselves to be placed in a vulnerable position. Not that we feel we are invincible. But more so because we have come to a place where we actually feel safe. A place where letting your guard down feels serene.
Once we become vulnerable there usually is no turning back. whatever we were using to shield ourselves from harm is long gone. Typically it seems like the only way to get it back is to eventually obtain some sort of pain and anguish. Inevitably done by the very person had chosen to become vulnerable for in the first place. There’s much irony in vulnerability due to the fact that I believe vulnerability has ongoing relationship with love.
Love makes us vulnerable because we want more than anything to trust in it. even after being wounded and destroyed, love is really the only time we feel completely safe yet exposed to more pain than we could ever imagine. Once we allow love to surround us and enter into our hearts by way of another somebody, we’ve relinquished that control. That control we tried so desperate to harness and never give up is stripped away by a more powerful force. We’ll fight for it initially. but after awhile, after we’ve grown tired of fighting this losing battle, we eventually let go and breathe. But we worry inside because we fear what may come as a result.
The worry later turns to laughs and smiles that can’t be hidden. Smiles that can not only be seen, but heard from even the most distant places. For when we are happy we can’t hide it from the world. Even when we try our best to keep to ourselves because we don’t want to have to share our love and happiness with anyone else. Everyone sees what we feel because what we feel is beautiful and love is loud. Remember we all once saw Tom Cruise on OPRAH jumping on couches and screaming to the world that he loved Katie Holmes.
Ive learned love isnt quiet. remember, we’re exposed, we’re susceptible to being wounded. That’s why when love it appears, it punches us in the fucking face to remind us who is really running shit. It reminds us that we made a choice to relinquish the control we once had. Now due that choice, we must take the good with the bad. There is no pain without love. Which begs the question, “is there happiness without love.” I don’t want to get away from vulnerability and the topic at hand. But at first glance, I’d argue there’s no fucking way you can have happiness without love.
Vulnerability is the cousin of love or perhaps it is love’s child. Seeing as you can’t have one without the other. Love is the nurturer and provider for vulnerability. Without love vulnerability would surely wither away and die. Without love it would cease to exist. Therefore no longer exposing us to being wounded or hurt.
Well here I stand, drenched in love and wounded. Scared to come out of hiding to see the light because I know there is more of it out there. More of that love and vulnerability that once brought me to my hiding place where I found yet another shield. My wounds still exposed and seen by the naked eye. The scent that you left here for me to wallow in and your initials carved into my chest from a war that I may still be fighting, alone.
I can’t hide from what happened. It was real and there is no surgery or procedure to hide these scars. they’re not only permanent, they are now a part of me. What scares me most is that whomever comes forward, whoever comes to see these scars will do one of two things. they will either run in fear that I am too ruined and destroyed or they will find beauty in these scars, they will use their own heart to cover these scars over my chest and they will cover me in their scent so I can forget yours. TO BE HONEST…..I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE SCARES ME THE MOST..