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All The Single Ladies

“Why not me? I’m hard working, I take care of my house, I’m a good person,Im educated, I’m beautiful and I think I’m a pretty good catch…” – Every good woman

Truth is she is a good catch.  I know this is going to come off as “dumb” or just plain stupid.  But you’re over qualified.  You ever go on a job interview and hear that?  Some of you have and then there those of you who don’t even know how to tie a tie……… Coons! Sorry, I digress.  Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is there is a such thing as over qualified when it comes to you some of you women.  Why is it your best friend, who know has been a “ho” since high school is always in a relationship and happy(Hoes Be Winning). While you, a woman with morals, standards and good sense is always single.  I’m not talking about the women who “choose to be single.”  Even though that’s a smoke screen in itself.  But I’m speaking in reference to the women who want a man, feel like they deserve a man.  Why are you always single?

There are obviously many variables that attribute to the fact that you eat alone every night or that you never recieve the panty wetter ”good morning text.”  But some of you just aren’t being real with yourselves.  So many of you are in the denial that its not you.  I hate to break it to you but you’re the common denominator in every failed relationship you’ve ever been in.  So at some point you have to point the finger at yourself.  Once you’re able to do that you’ll make progress.  In the meantime I’m going to describe a few of you and just why you’re single and why that may never change for some of you.

Settlers

Men, such as myself, are guilty of entertaining and putting our time and energy into a lot of women we wouldn’t necessarily bring home to our moms.  Those women keep their expectations to a minimum.  We don’t feel under pressure when we’re with them.  They’re not over qualified.  They’re nothing but temps.  Where that affects you good women the most is the majority of us aren’t checking for anything but temps 90% of the time.  So where does that leave y’all?  Leaves you to settle for less.  You can say you won’t settle for less.  Yes the fuck you will.  And if you don’t, then you’re still letting your ex do the electric slide in your vagina.  You spend enough nights alone in that bed, batteries keep dying on you and you’re going to settle for less.  Maybe for a month, maybe for year, but you will be settling at some point. Now heres where you women who want to combat everything say “ive never settled, I know better” And heres where I make you shut up. Have you ever dated or talked to someone for a small windown of time and really liked them and then thought ” What the hell am I thinking” and cut the man off? Well then you settled! I know a bunch of women are pausing and saying “ooh!” right now.

The women who do settle develop a false sense of security.  They’re not the happiest women in the world but they’re not lonely and single either.  They start to convince themselves they’re better than the single chick who still doesn’t have a man.  I laugh.  I don’t know whether or not you’re winning or losing.  But it still makes me laugh that you think you’re better than the single lonely chick.  Y’all really the same person minus a few sleepovers.  But don’t mind me. I don’t know shit.

Computer Love Single

eHarmony, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are not the same thing contrary to what some of you women believe.  I guess the logic is the more I’m seen the more attention I’ll get.  Which in turn increases my chances of being wifed up.  I see the logic here, but you’re fucking stupid if you really believe it.  The women who are seen the most are the ones we don’t want.  No man want his girl on instagram or twitter with 1000+ followers,we dont want a bunch of other ashy scoundrels in our girls mentions.  If attention is what you want, then attention is what you’ll get.  But nobody is taking you serious.

Your satisfaction comes from how many niggas you have in your mentions and how many comments you get on the pics you post.  The only nigga who wants to be with a woman like that is a nigga who wants to be seen himself.  Which in that case he probably loves men on the low.  Keep your business off the internet and try keeping your ass in your jeans.  Then maybe you wouldn’t have to sit at home eating frozen pizza with your lonely ass.

“I Don’t Need A Man” Single

You’re a lesbian.  Or at least you’ve somehow become one.  That “I don’t need a man” shit hasn’t been cool since Waiting To Exhale.  If having a man wrapping his arms around you does nothing for you and doesn’t make you feel safe, you’re a lesbian. I understand being independent is dope.  I don’t want to take away from you.  But for you to act as if a man would serve no purpose in your life, unless you are indeed a lesbian is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life.  But then again you rather rub your pussy against another woman’s pussy and not be penetrated by dick so…. yea.  I have nothing else to say to you “independent women.”

Ms. Too Damn Good Single

You good women have put yourselves on such a high pedestal that no man you meet is good enough for you.  You find something not to like about him.  And you say that’s how you make sure you don’t settle.  No, that’s how you ensure you stay lonely forever and become a bitter middle aged woman or a lesbian. You women have these unrealistic expectations of us.  Y’all really have to chill and shorten your checklists.  Think about this for second.  I know this is going to come as a shock because it came from RATIONAL and LOGICAL thinking as opposed to emotional.  But peep this………

Women already outnumber men so the deck is already stacked against you.  The women who use the power of their vagina are now doing so at an all time.  Don’t confuse power of the pussy with being ho because I know some of you were already headed down that bullshit street.  Although the hos are at a all time too and have to be accounted for.  In Washington, DC there are 21 single woman per 1 single man.  Granted DC is quite the extreme but I think I made my point there.  So with so much already in your way of getting a man.  How you can possibly still hold on to these unreal expectations and these checklist.  Its 2016 and some say the world will end this year.  You’re going to fuck around and die all by yourself because you were over qualified in your own mind.  And that’s not a cool story.

“I Don’t Wanna Be Alone” Single

You women are the ones who refuse to be alone no matter what.  You’re not necessarily going to settle for any man and you don’t necessarily feel you’re too good for the others.  But you haven’t been able to let go of the thought of the ex.  You still sleep with him, maybe he’s talking to someone else, maybe you are too.  But the two of you still speak here and there and when one or the both of you get the urge, you fuck from time to time.  He still has an emotional hold you and instead of trying to detach yourself from the situation to be single and alone.  You stick around because you don’t want to be alone.  YOU WOMEN ARE THE WORST.

Every relationship you enter into makes you feel like the world will end if it doesn’t work out with him.  You live life in fear that your relationship will end.  You live with this fear that you’re going to be single and alone.  As soon he spots that you’re fucked.  And vice versa.  All you sucker niggas who allow these women to notice that you can’t live without them have relinquished all control in that relationship.  Nothing wrong with being vulnerable.  There’s a whole lot wrong with allowing a person to know that damn near hold your happiness in their hands.  You’re supposed to enjoy your relationship not live in fear that it may one day come to an end.

“I’m Just Going With The Flow” Single

These women to me are the ones with the most sense.  I wouldn’t call them logical thinkers.  However, they seem to have a better understanding than the rest of you.  The woman just going with the flow is confident and secure in herself.  She doesn’t allow herself to get caught up in the bullshit around her.  She prefers not to be in a relationship but she doesn’t let that keep her from doing grown woman things.  If she needs dick, she will find her way to it.  If she needs to be held a couple nights throughout the week, she knows how to get that done(Dudes who arn’t dating a female that come over just to cuddle are the biggest suckers on the planet, but thats a blog for another time).  But she doesn’t sacrifice putting herself first.  She keeps things in perspective and is just living her life.  When she’s ready to add a man to the equation, she will.

Those women make up less than 3% of the entire population, unfortunately.

In closing, you single women who want a man and want to be in relationship better get your heads out of the clouds and stop watching The Notebook every week.  Peep what’s going on around you, analyze it and adapt.

Alright yall be cool how yall be cool im out of here.

Oh yea and remember if he takes his socks off during sex hes in love with you #FACT

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