S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S #SideChickMusic. Yeah, um, just try to read that shit in your finest Maybach Music voice . We all are familiar with the side chick, or at least should be. The side chick is basically the girl a dude has on the side that’s NOT his main chick. She’s the number 2, and should be always be treated like the number 2 at ALL times. Some niggas slip up and try to treat the side chick as if she’ll be number 1 one day. And that’s when phones get looked through, lives get threatened and car windows get busted. No man wants to step off the porch in 80 degree weather to discover that his car’s been vandalized by a disgruntled side piece. So in order to avoid this and keep the side chick in her position, there’s certain shit you CANNOT do. So here’s a few basic activities you NEVER do with the side chick:
1. Never text her during the day. What is you doing texting the side chick while the sun is still shining bright in HD? You niggas probably asking her shit like, “So How’s Your Day Going?” “Have You Been Thinking About Me?” “How’s Work?” smh. You Trey Songz “Yo Side Of The Bed” ass niggas got the game ALL the way fucked up.
2. Never take her out in public. Never take the side chick out to eat, to the mall, cookouts, NOTHING. The side chick should only see your face at night , preferably after midnight. If you treat her like this, it is absolutely impossible for her to think that she’ll EVER be number 1.
Now, along side with things you don’t do with the side chick, there’s also music you can’t listen to with the side chick. I bet you niggas didn’t know that either. I guarantee there were dudes laid up with the side chick last night, no socks on with Usher‘s “Climax” playing in the background, SMH. Oh yeah, ladies, if a nigga sleeps with you with his socks off, he loves you. That’s just a known fact in society. You only go barefooted with wifey. You can’t be with the side chick with all 10 toes exposed freely in the open.
Now, the music that should never be played with the side chick falls into 2 simple categories. First off, R&B. Absolutely NO R&B should be played while you’re chillin’ with the side chick, NONE. Not even the R&B rap songs. Imagine how much the side chick will feel misled and confused if you play, “So Into You” by Fabolous and then don’t call her the next day. There’s no comin’ back from that at all, yo. You fuck around and throw on some slow tender R&B tunes and have the side chick showing up to your job. Ne-Yo, Chris Brown, The-Dream, and Trey Songz stay away from ALL these niggas, The whole R&B category, unless you want the side chick expecting a foot to rub her and a date on Valentine’s Day.
The 2nd category of music you can’t play with the side chick is of course……Drake. Yes ladies & gentleman, Mr. Bath water himself. If you play drake with the side chick you might as well let her meet your mom, it’s OVER after that. How can you be laid up in the side chick’s crib with lines like “I Got Bath Water That You Can Soak In, Things I Can Do With Lotion” pumpin’ out the stereo,? Then she’s gonna wonder what YOUR ass can do with lotion. Nah yo, you stay far away from Drake while you’re with the side chick. He’s not your friend in this situation; he’s your worst enemy. Let the side piece hear a line like that while she’s with you. She’s gonna think that it’s cool to start taggin’ you in all different type of pictures on Facebook. But there’s a solution if this happens by mistake, because you know, playas fuck up. Next time you chill with her just play DMX’s first album. This will immediately get shit back to normal and put her thoughts of being number 1 to a screeching halt.
So now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Well, what music can I play with the side chick?”. It’s all about the song titles people. Cam’ron‘s “Suck It Or Not” and “Curve” is perfect #SideChickMusic. Throw on “Fuckin Or What?” by Jadakiss and the side chick will forever know her place. “Ma Be Easy” by Fabolous, “Bitch Get In My Car” by 50 Cent, “Touch It” by Pusha-T, “We aint Goin Steady” by Rocko or “I dont love her” by Gucci Mane . Pretty much every song you can’t play in the car with your grandmother is #SideChickMusic. If you live by this and follow my rules, the side chick will always remain under wraps, kept in place and a secret from your girl.