Summer is over, the weather’s only going to get colder. With the combination of The Weeknd dropping new tender light skin vocals and Drake releasing his new album, #LonelyTweets are fucking phenomenal right now.Fellas its about that time to narrow down the chick’s in your stable, and start looking for some cuffing candidates. Whether you are trying to put the winter time cuffs on a chick or long-term cuffs on. Treat this time like the NBA/NFL Draft.
Now you might be asking yourself, “How Do I Figure Out Which One To Cuff/Draft?” The answer is in her iPod. “Her iPod?”. YES , her iPod. The artists on a chick’s iPod can tell you all about her. I know I know, shit sounds crazy right? Trust me, it all makes sense when you think about it.
First of all if she has over 1,000 followers on Twitter/Instagram, she’s canceled out, don’t cuff her. She’s doing too much, and has way too many parched hooligans in her mentions when she uploads new pictures. You don’t want to be dealing with no extra niggas. Remember when I told you to treat this like the NBA/NFL Draft?Well im about to show you how you can separate the 1st round selections from the undrafted free agents. Now, here’s a list of artist that should send a red flag if you see them on her iPod. If you scroll through the artist list on her iPod and find any of these rappers, DO. NOT. CUFF. HER.
If you see Waka Flocka on her iPod delete her number immediately. A chick that will listen to a whole Waka Flocka album on her free time, is most likely a convicted felon. When I think of female Waka Flocka fans I imagine eviction notices, water beds and court appearances, and someone who claps their hands with every syllable that comes out her mouth. You can’t possibly get a good night’s sleep laying next to woman with “Luv Dem Gun Sounds” on her iPod.
Do you really wanna be laying down next to a bussit baby? A chick with Plies on her iPod won’t enroll their kid into preschool, but will make sure she makes it to the club in time to get in free. You can’t tell me her shower curtain liner isn’t filthy, if she took the time out to sync Plies songs to her iPod on purpose.
If Travis Porter is on her iPod she’s a hoe, #FACT. These niggas make absolutely nothing but strip club, and picking up prostitute anthems. You can’t trust girls with Travis Porter on their iPods at all. These are the type of women that’ll have sex with their best friend’s man, then turn around and give her relationship advice.
Scroll through the Gs in the artist section on her iPod. If you see Gucci Mane, fake like you just got a family emergency call, and vacate the premises smoothly. You can’t place the winter time cuffs on the wrists of a Gucci Mane fan. The song “Freaky Gurl” being on her playlist tells it all. She’s untrustworthy, devious, secretive and takes her phone with her in the bathroom when she goes to take a shower. Totally uncuffable.
Just imagine how horrible the box must be if she enjoys the sound of Lil Boosie coming through her iPod headphones. If she can sit through an entire Lil Boosie album, she will never know what wedding bells sound like. A nigga doing 75 years in prison, for 1st degree murder, on her iPod just SCREAMS fatal attraction. If you decide to cuff a Boosie fan, it’s suicide. She’ll threaten your whole entire family if you tweet before texting her back.
There you have it, these are the 5 artists that will separate the cuff worthy from the untrustworthy, the 1st round selections from the undrafted free agents. Ok im done I think you get the point by now. You don’t want to put the winter time cuffs or long-term cuffs on a chick that has these artists sprinkled throughout her iPod. You want a girl with a bunch artists like Kanye West, Jay-Z, Drake, Neyo, J.Cole and The Weeknd.
I’m out of here y’all be cool how y’all be cool. Oh, and remember, if y’all kiss as soon as she gets in your car, y’all go together….#FACT